During the late summer and early fall of 2015 I began to feel God asking me a question that, at the time, made me very uncomfortable. There were many things in my life that were uncertain and I wasn't completely sure where some things were headed. Then God began asking me this question - "Am I enough?" I tried to avoid this question but He kept asking. "Am I or am I not enough?"
"Enough for what?" I asked.
I didn't like the answer. "Enough for everything. If everything else is gone, am I enough?"
Even though I was sure I was being prepared for something I kept hoping it was a rhetorical question, that this was just something I needed the have head knowledge of. Maybe if I could answer this question satisfactorily we could just move on and everything would be good. But, I had a feeling there was more, and that I really needed to understand and answer this question from my heart. And the more I examined everything I knew about God the more I knew that the answer had to be "yes" and that I had to truly know, with all my being that this was true.
And I am so grateful that God had me work through this because soon after this, life as I knew it, fell apart. I became a single parent, lost my job, lost my house, lost my vehicle. I lost friends and family. I was in pain to my core and some days could not stop crying. But, because God had walked me through the process of truly realizing where my security was, I was not completely shaken. I found that He truly was enough. When everything first began to fall apart I was tempted to hide from others as I worked my way through these things. I was in the church choir at the time and many times I cried through entire service, in front of the whole church. Part of me just wanted stay out of sight while I healed. But I began to realize that if I was sure that God was enough than there was no need for me to hide away. He would walk me through each step of the way and He would use this to show not only me, but others who were looking on that He is who He says He is, He does what He says He does, and in Him I am free and this freedom is available for others as well. Yes, it hurt and I had many very hard days, but I knew I wasn't alone, and that God was making a way for me where there seemed to be no way. I knew, even when I couldn't see it, that there was hope, and that no matter what came my way, He was going to bring me through. I began to understand that He was not the author of pain but that He is the Healer and the Restorer of life.
And He has. And He still is. He sent people to walk alongside me, helping me in ways I knew I needed and sometimes in ways I hadn't yet realized I had a need. He sent people to ask me the hard questions so that I could see with clarity which steps He needed me to take next. His provision came from places I would never have imagined. He led me to a job that is so much more than just a job but rather a fulfilling of a calling, as well as a sense of family and belonging. He provided housing that gave me the flexibility to pay as I could until I was financially able to fully carry my share. He provided me with reliable transportation through the incredible generosity of my employer.
My tears began to turn to laughter. I grew in so many ways and began to find myself waking each morning knowing that, yes, this was going to be another hard day and yet feeling excited to see how God was going to bring me through this hard day. And every single day He did just that. He so gently and yet so powerfully brought me through and continues to do so. I still don't know exactly where this path is leading, although I do know that it has become much easier. I don't know what may lie ahead but I'm sure it will be an adventure. And I'm learning, over and over, what it means to truly and completely rely on my Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can imagine and will only lead my in the ways of life and will walk beside me, carrying me when necessary, no matter what happens. And yes, I am left with things that could be considered scars, but I am also finding that He takes the pain out of these wounds. And when I see the scars I am reminded that of His incredible faithfulness and the security I have, knowing He is enough.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:20-31
I share all of this because this year I want to blog regularly and share the journey I am on as I continue to discover the truth of Who God is and the joy and adventure it is to follow Him knowing He is enough in every situation. I'm looking forward to a new year with Him.
LINKING HERE
Thursday - No Rules Weekend Blog Party
And He has. And He still is. He sent people to walk alongside me, helping me in ways I knew I needed and sometimes in ways I hadn't yet realized I had a need. He sent people to ask me the hard questions so that I could see with clarity which steps He needed me to take next. His provision came from places I would never have imagined. He led me to a job that is so much more than just a job but rather a fulfilling of a calling, as well as a sense of family and belonging. He provided housing that gave me the flexibility to pay as I could until I was financially able to fully carry my share. He provided me with reliable transportation through the incredible generosity of my employer.
My tears began to turn to laughter. I grew in so many ways and began to find myself waking each morning knowing that, yes, this was going to be another hard day and yet feeling excited to see how God was going to bring me through this hard day. And every single day He did just that. He so gently and yet so powerfully brought me through and continues to do so. I still don't know exactly where this path is leading, although I do know that it has become much easier. I don't know what may lie ahead but I'm sure it will be an adventure. And I'm learning, over and over, what it means to truly and completely rely on my Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can imagine and will only lead my in the ways of life and will walk beside me, carrying me when necessary, no matter what happens. And yes, I am left with things that could be considered scars, but I am also finding that He takes the pain out of these wounds. And when I see the scars I am reminded that of His incredible faithfulness and the security I have, knowing He is enough.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:20-31
I share all of this because this year I want to blog regularly and share the journey I am on as I continue to discover the truth of Who God is and the joy and adventure it is to follow Him knowing He is enough in every situation. I'm looking forward to a new year with Him.
LINKING HERE
Thursday - No Rules Weekend Blog Party
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